In Defense of Pergo in the Mid-Century Modern Ranch

Half of my new house is covered in wall to wall carpeting. I plan on ripping it out, and replacing it with plastic flooring which vaguely resembles hard wood, i.e., pergo.

Let's be honest. If I had the money, I would install the real stuff in a heartbeat. However, as anyone who knows me can attest, I'm broke. My decision to put in laminate floors was not really a choice. To make myself feel better, I have started to compile a list of reasons why pergo is the ideal choice for today's atomic home. Please enjoy.

#1 My House is a Knock Off of a Frank Lloyd Wright Design, So Why Shouldn't I Have Knock Off Floors?

Let's face facts. I am not renovating an actual Wright or Eichler or other such big name. If that was the case, and I decided to install laminate floors, the Powers of Modern Design That Be would have every right to shoot me and bury me in an unmarked grave. Thus freeing my house up to be sold to a yuppy with the cash flow to do it right.

My house is in the middle of a 1950s suburban development built to accomodate returning soldiers and an expanding midwestern university. The name of the game was accessibility. The houses were meant to be affordable, simple and family friendly. Laminate flooring meets all of those criteria, and upholds the original intentions behind the creation of my house.

#2 Pergo is the Final Realization of the 1950s American Dream (This Shit is Space Age!)

A bold claim, I know. But hear me out.

The hip 1950s consumer went gaga over anything "modern" and "space age". This resulted in a lot of stuff made out of aluminum and molded plastic. That stuff was cool, but it pales in comparison to today's behemoth of modern technological design. That's right: Pergo. It's indestructable. (Seriously, it has a 30 year warranty) It contains no natural substance. It's perpetually shiny.

If laminate flooring had been invented in the 1950s, it would have been a national obsession. People would've put it on their walls and ceilings. We would be struggling to restore laminate roofs.

And since we're speaking of bold statements and 1950s consumers...

#3 Laminate Floors are the Next Spark in a Global Revolution

The 1950s were a golden age for household appliances. The dishwasher, the automated washing machine, the electric mixer. All '50s inventions, and all huge time savers for the middle class '50s housewife.

There are many academics who support the theory that the invention of such things as the dishwasher is what led to the second wave feminist movement. Behold:
Modern appliances = more down time for the housewife. More down time eventually leads to boredom. Boredom = dissatisfaction and realization of how much housewife's life sucks. Realization of suck = feminist revolution.

Laminate floors are a stylish invention with many time saving qualities. They withstand much, require little upkeep, and are easy to clean. It's only logical to assume that by installing laminate floors in my own home, I will be contributing to the next big step in women's history. This is important work I'm doing.



Ok, that's all I've got for now. But believe me, I will be thinking up more. Feel free to add your own pathetic cheapskate reasons for installing pergo in the comments!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in Es-Ca-Row*

The posts slowed down, didn't they? That's because my life has suddenly become grown up, and very very serious. I'm in escrow! That's right ladies and gentlemen, a week from Friday I will be biting off a big ol' hunk of the American Dream. Actually, my chunk of the American Dream consists of 1,020 square feet of questionable linoleum flooring. So maybe that's a teeny nibble of the dream?

Either way-- it's mine, mine, mine! And my husband Aaron's, too. He's so pushy.

Anyhoodle, I think I will be turning this randomness into a house blog. Don't groan! It's going to be awesome.

Our (future) house is a small slab ranch built in 1955. But it's not just any old crapbox without a basement. It's a midcentury modern, influenced by Frank Lloyd Wright's Prairie Style! I was going to post a picture, but then I remembered that I don't need any internet stalkers.

The challenge which will be chronicled on this blog is how to redo and decorate a midcentury modern, with midcentury modern style, on much less than the normal midcentury modern budget. (I'm going to stop typing midcentury modern...now.)

That means you will not see me bragging in future posts about my (imaginary) $3,000 Modernica couch or my Eames chair. Think Target, IKEA and diy.

We close on the house in less than two weeks. When we actually own the house, I'll start posting pictures and projects. If nothing else, stay tuned for pictures of the backyard modular dwelling/tiki bar!

*Gilmore Girls 5.08: The Party's Over

Crackin' Cheese, Gromit!

Wallace & Gromit bring me never-ending joy. I hope to one day own a dog with eyebrows.

As we all know, Wallace has an obsession with cheese. This obsession led to Wallace and Gromit building a rocket ship to the moon. (For the uninitiated: the moon is made out of cheese, and it's the ultimate vacation destination for cheese-lovers everywhere. Obviously.) At one point in the movie, Wallace specifically mentions his love of Wensleydale cheese. Ever since then, I have brought Wensleydale to every wine and cheese party I have attended. Which would be three. I don't know a lot of classy people.

Anyway, the point of the above rambling is to discuss my new favorite food: Wallace & Gromit Wensleydale cheese. Apparently, this cheese has been out for awhile. It was first produced as a promotion for Wallace and Gromit's first feature length film, The Curse of the Were Rabbit. However, I just found it at my local British import store, so it's brand new to me. And AMAZING. I tried it with some crackers this afternoon, and I think it tastes great. Not cartoony at all.

I am currently reading a book about the buying and tasting of fine cheeses, and so here is some info on what Wensleydale is all about:

Wensleydale is a semi-hard cheese. Meaning it's aged 3-4 weeks, and is crumbly when you slice it. My cheese book describes the flavor as "mild, but distinctive". Personally, I think the cheese starts out on the sweet-ish side, and then has a sharp after taste. I guess that's where the "distinctive" description comes from.

Wensleydale cheese is made by the Wensleydale Creamery in Yorkshire, England. The cheese was first made by a monk in the year 1150. For more info about the cheese, visit www.wensleydale.co.uk

According to wallaceandgromit.net when Wallace first mentioned his love of Wensleydale, the creamery was on the verge of bankruptcy. The success of the movies made the Wensleydale creamery a booming business once again. How cool is that?

Music For Lovers

I love The Puppini Sisters, and I especially love their cover of the song "Wuthering Heights". Earlier today I decided to further investigate the woman who originally recorded the song. Wow, did I hit the jackpot.

Introducing my new favorite artist:




My head says weird voice and atrocious choreography, but my heart says magic!

Are they the crazed eyes of a serial killer, or the bulging orbs of inspired genius? Awkward gyrations and cloying zombie hands, or the dance of a thousand splendid (vaseline smeared) suns?

Tori Amos wishes she was this cool.